Whenever we got home from the hospital my heart was at peace, we knew that God was and still is in control and that He has the child out there for us, in His timing- His perfect timing. I expected to just go home and continue life normally and go on our merry way and wait for the next referral, thats what I expected never did I expect Him to be working in my heart the way that He has been working. I was completely content waiting before, but after the situation it has made me feel more anxious- its a hard reality to face that while we just sit here waiting, ready, open, willing...there are hundreds, no thousands, actually 163 + million orphans out there waiting on a family. I am reminding myself though that its not just about the need but about the child that God has for us. He is the one who puts families together. He has opened the door for us to adopt domestically and not internationally right now so we just have to continue to wait on Him, but knowing in my heart that I'm sure *one day* we will be on a plane picking up a precious one. Until those doors open- we continue to walk through the ones that are open fully trusting in Him. But thats not just where my heart has stopped-
I have been doing a lot of reading and its funny that all of the books that are recommended or given to me all from completely different friends they are all weaving the same pattern- I'm reading Radical by David Platt, The Praying Life, and The Law of Rewards by Randy Alcorn. All completely different books but I know that the Lord is speaking through not only His Word, but also through other authors specifically to my heart about HIS heart. The message to me- My life is not my own- nothing. My time, resources, dreams, goals, aspiriations- my life is for the glory of God, its not about me but about making Him known and sharing the Gospel and being the hands and feet of Jesus. I've heard it a million times before but its personal now. Back in January I read a book called "Red Letters"...it was amazing- eye opening. I saw how so much of what Jesus was about was sharing the Gospel, glorifying His Father, but also about the basic needs of people and reaching out to them- loving them, providing for them. I started praying that God would stir my heart. That He would give me a passion for the part of His heart that He cared for. Boy have I ever had that burden come so full force on my life, especially in the last two weeks. I'm lying awake in bed a night and thinking about orphans, families, how to help them, what to do... I've seen the faces before on t.v., websites, books etc. but it was never that personal... now it is. Those kids have names to me and meaning. Many of those kids are my friends' babies- waiting to come home. Many of those kids are roomates to my friends' babies who are lying in an orphange waiting for a family, or waiting in a foster family or girl's home waiting to be "chosen." Many of those kids are kids that need sponsors to help provide for their basic needs and pray for them and encourage them.
Chris and I are very passionate about what we can do to help them and what our role is to be in being Christ' hands and feet- is it going to require being Radical? Yes. Is it going to require us to give up some of our own comforts or ideals in life? Yes. Is it going to require going against the grain or culture- even Christian culture that says comfort it comfortable? Yes, Yes, Yes.
I'm not sure what it is all going to look like in the end- but He is already working. There are some specific things that He is doing- doors that He is opening and I'm sitting here in awe of the things that are going on and thinking...its really true, once you lose your life, you will find it. He is putting burdens on my heart so great- burden and aches for things that I know in my own flesh are not from me- only from Him, but He doesn't just stop there with the burden, but provides a way- an outlet to be used....all for His glory. I'm more excited then ever. So as we continue to wait to bring out next one home we continue to seek Him, to be His hands and feet, and more then ever- focus our attention in glorifying Him with our lives and be open to changing our lives to mirror His and follow His leading.
More to come...
Thanks for reading. :)
