Back to Africa Necklace Giveaway!

Hey everyone! If you know me, you know I love Heart of the Bride/Back to Africa and you know I love adoption. Well..... I'm super excited to introduce to you a beautiful new necklace that Back to Africa has come out with. Its the "Heart for Adoption Necklace" It is so named because the proceeds from this necklace go to fund the new Heart of the Bride Adoption Aid Ministry. The focus of this arm of Heart of the Bride is to provide assistance grants for adoptive families, whether adoption internationally or domestically. These hearts are being sourced from Kenya through a Back to Africa work group, so your purchase will also support our desire to provide long term employment to those in our work programs.

How awesome is that!?!?!?!  You can purchase a beautiful piece of jewlery and your purchase gives back in HUGE ways!! Isn't it great when you purchase things and you know that it is directly helping others? So maybe you are looking for a gift for a friend, teacher, daughter, or a valentines' gift...this would be PERFECT!

I love this necklace so much that I'm going to do my first "give-away"/name-drawing" from my blog and its super easy to enter! Here is how it works.... To be entered into the drawing, you need to post the link from the necklace either on your blog or facebook page and tell me that you did so (either comment here on the blog or on the Facebook link that I posted.) Here is the link:

http://backtoafrica.myshopify.com/collections/favorites/products/new-heart-for-adoption-necklace

You can only be entered once. I will draw a name this Wednesday evening at 8 p.m. to see who won the necklace!

The heart pendant comes on a brown leather cord and is approximately 16-18 inches in length, available in blue or rose, and is hand made and kiln fired twice. The design imprint is courtesy of Inkadinkado, with our thanks!

For more information on Heart of the Bride's Adoption Aid Program visit www.heartofthebride.org/adopt

Thanks guys! Happy sharing! :)

"Our" projects.

For a much "lighter" weekend post, I decided that I would update the blog with the past years' projects. If you remember, last year I asked for a saw, hammer, and some other weird shop tools that I still can't remember the name of. You can read about how that adventure started here . C and I had fun sitting in the freezing garage last winter building "beginner" projects together while the kids slept away. Little by the little though, a funny pattern developed...

Me:" Hmm, I would like to build yada yada..."
C: "Okay, lets find some plans."

Me- Search Internet- Ana-white.com (AMAZING!!) find what I want, print.... hand over to C.


A couple hours later, viola! It was all done, and I didn't break a nail (no pun intended).

I really did have good intentions to help, but with two toddlers.... you know how it goes. Luckily, my wonderful husband actually really LOVES to build things. He grew up in hick-ville...ahmm.. the country where fishing, four-wheeling, squirrel hunting (do NOT ask) and building projects were a regular thing. His dad can build a house from the ground up (literally) so C had lots of practice. All that to say... he now asks me what he can build when hes bored so it all works out nicely and I must say, he does a fabulous job!

After finding ana-white.com and realizing how inexpensive building your own furniture is, I will never, ever pay full price for furniture again!!

The first piece is one of my favorites. We didn't have a dining room table, I looked and looked, everything was so expensive for the table, chairs etc. I loved the look the Farm House Table
- but $1900 for just the table. No way Jose!

 So we looked around and found the plans on ana-white.com and in about 5 hours (C and his Dad) created this masterpiece....

We decided to keep the wood natural and added a clear top coat for spills. I L.O.V.E it. Can't wait until one day we can fill all of those seats up! ;)

It can fit 8 comfortably, but for Thanksgiving we had 10.
Total price for table: $70.00
Bench: $25.00
Chairs: Free (thanks Dave!:)
$105.00 for a solid wood table, bench, and chairs is not bad, not bad at all.


Instead of the classic "China Cabinet" he made a "Ladder Shelf" - plans also from ana-white.com

Also on the list, move J out of a toddler bed to a twin size bed. Found the plans again at ana-white.com

Before stain


After Stain

Last but not least.... scrap wood? What about initial door hangers?

Oh and don't underestimate what sanding and a coat of paint can do. I woke up to find my husband going through some one's trash... for these...

Before:

After:

Who doesn't love "Free!" ? :)

So there you have it, "our" year in review DIY projects.


Thank you honey! ;)

The W word

 If I could choose a word that I can not stand to hear, a word that is like nails on a chalk board, a word that evokes so many conflicting feelings within me it would be the word "wait." I think I'm most likely one of the most impatient people there is around. If you looked up the word "impatient" in the dictionary there you would find my picture! :) I don't like to wait, I don't like being patient and when I'm forced to do it, I fail and I fail at it miserably. Ironically enough when I look back on my life, I find that word- wait, waiting, patience or any other form of it to be a continual "theme" of my life. I've gotten to practice a lot at it and I think that over the course of time I've gotten a little bit better but still need lots of work in that area!

As much as I can't stand to wait, I'm a firm believer in God's perfect timing- yes ironic, I know. I do believe that God is Sovereign and that after all is said and done we will look back and say..."ah, that's why it happened this way or that." Sometimes we don't always get to see the reasoning on this side of eternity, but I don't want to look past the moment that even though God's timing is perfect and we can trust in Him that doesn't always make the waiting easy, sometimes it very painful.

As I've been reflecting on this season of waiting in my life, although short as it is compared to others', I'm reminded of a couple of things in scripture that always make me sit back and ponder the WHYS of the waiting.

I think back to Hannah and Abraham- the things they longed for and how long God had them wait- Why? because the timing to begin the line of Christ was not ripe yet.

 I think about the coming then of Christ Himself- In a study I'm doing right now (Jesus the One and Only) It opens up at the last book of the Old Testament and then to the Matthew. Do you know how much time was in between the Old and New Testament? about 400 years. 400 years of silence from God. Talk about waiting. And this kind of waiting was a silent waiting. The Israelites has turned their ears from God so He stopped speaking. But God did not abandon His people, His timing is indeed perfect and that season was used by Him and as Beth Moore points out in the study- "The time didn't go. It Came!... God used a famine to serve His purpose until the fullness of time. He used the witholdings of His words to prepare for the revealing of The Word- His Living Word Jesus in human flesh."

And as we wait again for His second coming I know that there is so much He is fulfilling and when the timing is just perfect, He will come again.

Just as these are truths in scripture, so are they truth for my life. God doesn't just have a plan- He has a purpose. There are things, people, events that He is all using together in harmony to carry out His will. My particular circumstances also effect others.

I know so many who are waiting right now, some of them have been waiting weeks, some of them years, waiting for many different things. I pray for the strength to lean on Christ and trust in His plan and in the painful moments when the wait seems unbearable that He will show them His grace, mercy, and truth in the wait.

Blessings.

Past couple of weeks...

  Whenever we got home from the hospital my heart was at peace, we knew that God was and still is in control and that He has the child out there for us, in His timing- His perfect timing. I expected to just go home and continue life normally and go on our merry way and wait for the next referral, thats what I expected never did I expect Him to be working in my heart the way that He has been working. I was completely content waiting before, but after the situation it  has made me feel more anxious- its a hard reality to face that while we just sit here waiting, ready, open, willing...there are hundreds, no thousands, actually 163 + million orphans out there waiting on a family. I am reminding myself though that its not just about the need but about the child that God has for us. He is the one who puts families together. He has opened the door for us to adopt domestically and not internationally right now so we just have to continue to wait on Him, but knowing in my heart that I'm sure *one day* we will be on a plane picking up a precious one. Until those doors open- we continue to walk through the ones that are open fully trusting in Him. But thats not just where my heart has stopped-

I have been doing a lot of reading and its funny that all of the books that are recommended or given to me all from completely different friends they are all weaving the same pattern- I'm reading Radical by David Platt, The Praying Life, and The Law of Rewards by Randy Alcorn. All completely different books but I know that the Lord is speaking through not only His Word, but also through other authors specifically to my heart about HIS heart. The message to me- My life is not my own- nothing. My time, resources, dreams, goals, aspiriations- my life is for the glory of God, its not about me but about making Him known and sharing the Gospel and being the hands and feet of Jesus. I've heard it a million times before but its personal now. Back in January I read a book called "Red Letters"...it was amazing- eye opening. I saw how so much of what Jesus was about was sharing the Gospel, glorifying His Father, but also about the basic needs of people and reaching out to them- loving them, providing for them. I started praying that God would stir my heart. That He would give me a passion for the part of His heart that He cared for. Boy have I ever had that burden come so full force on my life, especially in the last two weeks. I'm lying awake in bed a night and thinking about orphans, families, how to help them, what to do... I've seen the faces before on t.v., websites, books etc. but it was never that personal... now it is. Those kids have names to me and meaning. Many of those kids are my friends' babies- waiting to come home. Many of those kids are roomates to my friends' babies who are lying in an orphange waiting for a family, or waiting in a foster family or girl's home waiting to be "chosen." Many of those kids are kids that need sponsors to help provide for their basic needs and pray for them and encourage them.

Chris and I are very passionate about what we can do to help them and what our role is to be in being Christ' hands and feet- is it going to require being Radical? Yes. Is it going to require us to give up some of our own comforts or ideals in life? Yes. Is it going to require going against the grain or culture- even Christian culture that says comfort it comfortable? Yes, Yes, Yes.

I'm not sure what it is all going to look like in the end- but He is already working. There are some specific things that He is doing- doors that He is opening and I'm sitting here in awe of the things that are going on and thinking...its really true, once you lose your life, you will find it. He is putting burdens on my heart so great- burden and aches for things that I know in my own flesh are not from me- only from Him, but He doesn't just stop there with the burden, but provides a way- an outlet to be used....all for His glory. I'm more excited then ever. So as we continue to wait to bring out next one home we continue to seek Him, to be His hands and feet, and more then ever- focus our attention in glorifying Him with our lives and be open to changing our lives to mirror His and follow His leading.

More to come...

Thanks for reading. :)

End of the Rollercoaster

"No effort on behalf of a child is ever wasted."-



Last night went really well during our visit. We were able to sit and talk a lot and it was a really sweet experience to have with birthmom and baby. I have been so blessed to be able to spend so much time with both of them and am thankful for it.

This morning came and we went to the hospital to meet the foster mom. We weren't going to be taking the baby home for at least 30 days because of some legal issues (which we knew about beforehand) so we were going go to the hospital and meet the Cradel Care mom.

We met our case-worker and she came back to deliver the news that the birthmom had decided to parent. We were a little bit shocked because up to that point there had not been any indication of doubt or wavering, but none of us can truely know whats going on inside someone's heart. This is afterall- a HUGE decision and very heart-wrenching for her to have to make.

We have SOOOOOO much peace that this was the right thing and I mean from the bottom of my heart that I rejoice with her in her decision. I've said from the beginning of this process that if a birthparent felt like they couldn't parent, I would be here with open arms and love that baby as our own. BUt if a parent decided even at the very.last.second... that they did want to parent, I would rejoice with them,they have a new life- a child- a blessing.I would go through it all over again if thats what he Lord called me to do. God has ordained who is to be in our family and we will wait on Him until that child comes.

I am so thankful for all of the time I spent at the hospital with the birthmom and baby. I got to know a beautiful woman and a sweet baby and the whole extended family. The Lord allowed me to minister to them and this experience has ministered to me.God taught me so much about His heart and love for others through this and I am changed because of it.

So for now, we get off the rollercoater and wait for the next ride. :) The Lord is so faithful and has been so close to us through this whole process- may He be glorified through it all.

Thanks for all of your support! :) Our prayers were answered- this baby is going where she is supposed to go and His will is being accomplished. Your kind words, phone calls, texts, comments have been so an encouragement. THANK YOU! :)

Blessings!

Day #2- What to expect....

I told another sweet adoption mama friend of mine yesterday..."They need to write a book called 'What to Expect when You are Adopting' and just leave it blank.

This adoption process has been full of "I didn't expect that" scenarios. All of them good, all of them teaching me to lean on the Lord, trust Him,and to "just roll with it." We had planned whenever we left the hospital yesterday that we were going to have a visit the next day. I called that morning had it all figured out when I could go, arranged babysitters (thank you Emily...and thanks to Lori for keeping my kiddos for multiple hours Wednesday). Chris couldn't get off work again that early so it would just be me. There were other biological family members that would be visiting that day so we were trying to time it so they would have enough time and then I would come. Well...it didn't quite happen that way. About ten minutes from the hospital my case-worker called, "Kelly, everyone wants to meet you, do you want to meet them?" Uh..."Yes, I would love to." Was my respone. I hang up the phone..."Oh Lord, this is crazy!" So I call up Kristin tell her...do you have any advice on what to say when you meet the WHOLE family!?!? :) We just both start laughing... I had thought that our visit would be similar to the day before, my in a private room with the baby. But this was much different. I was there for about three hours. The first hour was with the WHOLE family, siblings, aunts, grandparents, then the second two hours were me, the birthmom, and our case-worker. I know some of you might be reading this and thinking either..."why would you do that?" or "I would never do that!" And let me mention, that if you are considering adoption and meeting with biological family members is out of the question that that is your decision. And its okay to feel that way. We agreed to do this before hand and every time something new is introduced our AMAZING agnecy and social worker always asks and if we have a peace about it we say yes.

 I've done this adoption process the other way- COMPLETELY private and closed, no pictures, no face, no meeting...Nothing. And honestly, I didn't like it because its like some mystery, a very important part of J's life that I feel like I will never be able to tell him about- a piece of his history that he won't ever know unless he reunites with his birthmother later.

IF this does go through, I will have so much to tell sweet baby girl... what her mom looked like, what she liked to eat, what she didn't like to eat, what her siblings were like (we have pictures! :), how she looks like them, how her grandma and auntie were.... the love for her that everyone had. I'm not going to lie, where there some REALLY akward moments...YES! ;) But it was all good.

The next two hours it was me with the birthmom, baby, and social worker. She held the baby for a while and I was able to just sit and watch. She was a natural with her, the baby very calm. She is a great mom. I try to be very considerate of her. There is this fine line...I want her to have all the time with the baby that she needs/wants, but I also want her to see me with the baby, to give her a peace, to see that I'm excited too. The baby just slept in my arms the whole time. We all just sat there and talked, we talked about anything and everything.... t.v. shows, the weather, how her pregnancy was, what she craved, her other children, her dreams and goals...it was a very sweet time. Little did I know that this meeting would be more of a bonding moment with the birthmom. Shes still shy around me. But towards the end the case-worker had to get a call. The birthmom then again told me how much she loved our book, how she didn't even look at any other book because she wanted us. I thanked her (I wish I could of said SO MUCH more, but my mouth was just stuck) she said that she wanted to do this for a better life for the baby, I got teary-eyed. (Don't cry Kelly, Don't cry Kelly) was all I could think.

I look back on yesterday and think "Thank you Lord" that was a very precious moment for me for two reasons. #1- If she decides to have us parent I have so much to tell sweet baby girl. I know a lot about her mom now...so when she asks me, "mommy, why did my birthmother give me to you?" I can tell her and KNOW. Is she ever cries or is upset because of the reality of what happens in adoption, I can try and comfort her and tell her stories about how much she is loved and the little details that might not seem to matter to anyone, but will be so important for her. The other reason, if she does decide to parent, I will continue to be at peace- I know how much the mama loves her and the support she would have from family. I saw her with the baby and know that if she does take her home they will be absolutely fine.

God gave me a very sweet gift yesterday and I'm so thankful for it.

Meeting for the first time...

So yesterday is very much still a fog. The last couple of weeks have been a fog but yesterday defines a new moment of...drop everything you are doing, hold on because the rollercoaster is about to jolt you.

It was any other normal day, I did wake up rather early and couldn't sleep so I got up. I couldn't find my normal books that I read in the morning but I did find an old adoption book that I love called "Thriving as an Adopted Family." I went through it again, going over the bonding and attachment chapters. If you have read anything on my blog you will remember how much I have learned over the course of three years on infant adoption attachment and bonding and how crucial it is. Its nothing really out of the ordinary, just basically "attachment parenting" anyways, (sorry, rabbit trail) I was reading through the book, the kids woke up, and we started our normal routine.

Okay, so here is a "Confessions of a Stay at Home Mom"...but I'm really, really bad about getting dressed in the morning. Usually I just stay in my p.j.s/work out/lounge wear/throw on a baseball cap if you go out clothes and the kids love staying in their p.j.s as well so that is our attire for most of the day!! :) We had just finished lunch and the phone rang, picked it up...its Josies' voice. My heart drops, this is it.... The doctors were thinking that the baby wouldn't be here until Monday (which was still 3 weeks early) so this was even more of a shock. My brain went into tunnel vision as I heard the words..."the baby was just born, she's perfect...weight, height, ......She. Its a girl. We didn't know what the baby was. I had settled on a middle name that I felt the Lord very clearly laid on my heart back in January- before our paperwork was in. I knew that if we adopted again and it was a girl that this name was supposed to be somewhere in her name. I held back the tears because I wanted to cry but I didn't want to social worker (or my kids) to think I was crazy. :)

The mom wants to meet you and your husband. (my mouth drops)..."Uh, okay. When?"... "Today, now is fine, you can come up whenever.".... I knew that we would be meeting, I just didn't know when in the process and I had no idea that the baby was going to be born and everything was TODAY so I really wasn't expecting it. I was in my p.j.s (i think its time to break that habit! ;), so were the kids, C was at work, wasn't sure who was going to watch my kiddos. So I just start pacing back and forth trying to figure it out. Ran to call my sisters (LOVE having so much family so close).. no one answers. Call my mom, start crying, she prays for me over the phone. Then I realize...oh, yes, I should probably call my husband! :) Well, to make a long story short, it took me 30 min. to get a hold of him because he was in meetings. I had to use the "its kind of an emergency" card with the secretary who quickly got him. Within 5 minutes he was home, I still wasn't dressed, just pacing...freaking out, I hadn't prepared mentally at all for what I was going to say to the birthmom. Luckily God places people in your life who have done that part before and so I quickly called my friend Kristin, cried with her, asked for her advice, what do I say? How do we do this? I didn't think I would see the baby before any rights were terminated. This. is. so. hard.

We made a pit stop to Walmart- we couldn't find our camera (it was a gift to us from our wedding-which was 5 years ago so within the last 5 years lets just say its now a dinosaur.) This was a great time to go shopping for a new camera (insert sarcastic voice). Chris ran in the store... I told him, "hunny, I know you like to buy electronics, but please, you are going to have to make this decion in like under 5 minutes." He smiled and said, "believe me, I will. " He came back with a hot-pink camera (only one left) and we were ready to roll. Wait...forgot to drop off the kids, oh and we need gasoline. Ahhhh... I just want to get there! We had to drive at least an hour to get to the hospital so I was really antsy! Finally drop off the kids, answer texts in the car (no, I wasn't driving :)  cry some more..." try to pull it together Kelly." I kept telling myself.

It felt like the shortest drive ever somehow. Even our caseworker laughed...wow, you made it here in record time. The walk down the hall felt the longest. I think I was deer in the headlights look, what was I going to say? What would she look like? What would she want me to say? This is really uuncomfortable. I want to hug her, but that would probably be weird...what do I say? I just want to make her feel okay. Will she like me, is what I'm wearning okay??

Turned the corner and there she was. A face finally to put with an image I had in my mind for all this time. An image that has a blank face when I think about J's mom. She was soo pretty. I knew she felt nervous too, I could tell. She had a quiet spirit, not sure what was going on in her head, she had after-all just had a baby and now was trying to make a very important decision... my heart is so soft for her. Thankfully our case-worker led most of the converstation so that was good. She had our book by the side of her bed. She said, "you have a beautiful family, all of your smiles are so pretty." We thanked her, she asked about how the kids were, we talked about the baby she just had. Her weight, what she looked like, the fact that she was screaming her little head off when she came out. I told her she could have our book to take home with her if she wanted. She was glad about that. Then we went in to see the baby.

It was a little chaotic in the nursery. People everywhere, they pulled the babie's bed out, then like 4 people came up to us, the doctor, nurser, pediatrican, hospital case-worker all saying she was perfect, and to ask them if we needed anything or had any questions. I was trying to answer them but couldn't get my eyes off of this little. tiny. precious. beautiful. baby girl. Oh, my heart melted. She was SOOOO small! I wanted to cry but didn't.

We washed up and then they led us to a private room. We were able to feed her and hold her. She was ready to eat and her eyes were wide open and so alert. I have never seen a baby that new study our faces like she did. It was almost eeire. Like she new what was going on. She couldn't take her eyes off Chris and looked at every part of his face. She would stop, turn to me, look at me and then turn back and look at him somemore. Our eyes connected, I know that sounds corney but it was unreal.

We were able to stay with her for a while but knew that we needed to go back. We went and said goodbye to the mom and left. Then the long drive home and thinking, oh wow, what a journey this is.

So what am I feeling? I'm at peace, I really am. I have NO idea what she wil do, she might change her mind at the very last second or she might already have in her heart a strong resolve of what to do. We have to wait 72 hours for her to sign her rights. It will be a long 3 days. We can still go see the baby and her- which we will do as long as she allows. I just continue to pray the Lords' will be done. This is about that baby and mom and what is best for them. If its best for her to parent, I will rejoice with her. If she feels like she can't- I will be here with open arms to take that baby home and love her with all of my heart, just like she is my own. Is this hard. YES! Its hard to know where to put your heart... I just met my "potential" child but shes not mine yet, so I have to guard myself but at the same time, not withhold bonding. Its a tough balance and I just pray that the Holy Spirit gives me the strength whatever happens. I was really fine last night but it hits me at little points in the day and this morning her face was the first thing on my mind.

I know I keep saying..."please pray" but we all really need it. Pray for the birthmom and her heart- to know what to do and have a peace about it. Pray for us as we balance our hearts. Pray for the birthfather situation- not going to go into that yet but there is still some weeds to work out. God knows the situation and what needs to happen.  Anytime I try to figure everything out in my mind I keep feeling Him say..."I've got this."
:) He does and thats where I'm leaving it, in His hands.

Thanks for reading